When I was 15 years old, 5 men stole my freedom. When I was 26, one man gave it back to me. 

This is a story my ego doesn’t want to share.

This is a story your ego doesn’t want to read. 

This story involves massive change…and nothing will scare the ego more than that. 

It involves pain, happiness, sadness, love, anger, shame, guilt, and joy. It’s a story based on emotion. Which is something I wouldn’t have admitted to having until a year ago.

See, I spent the first 26 years of my life trying to be someone. 

Someone strong. Someone tough. Successful. Desirable. Happy. Indestructible. 

I was on a war path to create a version of myself that I thought I wanted to be. And I don’t say war path lightly, which you’ll understand soon. 

It started at 15 years old when 5 men stole my freedom. 

I was walking to a train station from a tennis academy in London. It was dark, cold night as it usually is in England. When I got into the train station I felt like something was off. 

There were five young men who didn’t look particularly friendly. So I decided to leave. I walked up the stairs to the street. But they followed me. 

I crossed the street…two of them followed suit. 

The first one yelled “Has you got any eats bruv?”

I said “no.”

“Has you got any eats bruv?”

“No, I don’t have any food.”

“Not food bruv, has you got any money?”

“No.”

You ain’t got any money bruv?”

“No.”

It was at this point that the second guy pulled out his knife and knocked it on the sign beside me. The flash of the blade was his way of saying that “no” wasn’t an acceptable answer. 

“Give us your money bruv.”

So I gave them what I had. Only about 5 pounds. 

“Give us your mobile.”

“No.”

“Give us your mobile.”

“No.”

“Give us your fucking mobile.”

So I gave them my phone.

As they walked away I asked what might have been the stupidest thing I’ve ever asked. 

“Can I get a number out of that real quick?”

They looked at me like I wasn’t the craziest person they’d ever met. Who asks for a number from a phone that was just stolen from you at knife point? 

Clearly, I hadn’t fully grasped the severity of the situation I had just escaped. 

I walked to the corner store about 100 yards away and said “I’ve just been mugged by guys with knives.”

At that point I started crying. Weeping. Balling uncontrollably. 

It’s that feeling that I’ll never forget. The worst feeling of my life. 

A feeling that only exists at the complete opposite spectrum of freedom. The feeling that I wasn’t in control.

See, there’s something muggers and thieves don’t realize. When they hold you up like that, they’re stealing your freedom. In those moments you’re a slave. 

To them you’re nothing more than a resource. An object. Less than human. Meat and bones wrapped in skin. You’re simply a thing that’s in the way of what they want. They don’t care if you live or die. 

That feeling sticks with you. That feeling shapes you. That feeling teaches you stop feeling…because it hurts too much. 

In that moment you have a choice. 

Let this turn you into a victim. Or use this to turn yourself into a hero. Into the type of person who no one could ever hurt again. The type of person who could protect those who can’t protect themselves. 

I chose the latter. 

Little did I know, those two minutes of slavery would change every moment that followed.

I became obsessed with control. With violence. With toughness. I went on the war path. 

Kung Fu. Ninjutsu. World War II combatives. Seminars. DVDs. Ebooks. 

I sought to become a man who could not feel pain. And in doing so, turned myself into someone who felt almost nothing at all. Which I’ll talk about more in a minute. 

First you have to understand where I came from. 

I was born lucky. Two loving parents with above average IQs and professional athlete level genetics. Upper middle class wealth. Access to whatever I needed. 

Life was pretty easy. I was the smartest kid in my elementary school. I was the fastest runner. The other kids seemed to like me. 

I used to joke that I peaked in fourth grade. Little did I realize that it wasn’t far from the truth. 

See, we all have a defining moment in our childhoods. Most of us have quite a few. And we tend not to realize them until we’re much older. 

My first defining moment came at age 9. I was the only kid in school with a 4.0. Spelling bee champ. I won damn near everything at recess and P.E. No taxes or bills to pay. No women in my life (except the cute girl I’d smile at from across the classroom before turning tomato red).

I was living the dream. 

Then my friend’s mum came along and fucked it all up. 

I was at a party with my best friend DJ. His mum was talking to another woman at the party. 

She said “Ian is amazing. He’s the smartest kid in school. Great tennis player. And ugh. DJ just struggles. He isn’t smart. Ian even has to tutor him in math.”

I remember the feeling perfectly. It was deep sadness for DJ. How could his own mother say that about him right in front of his face? DJ wasn’t even a stupid kid. 

The sadness turned into shame and guilt. I don’t know if I consciously felt it at that age, but that’s what it turned into in my life. 

By age 10 I was suddenly wearing husky shorts. I did worse in school. The 4.0 turned into a 3.87 GPA. I started getting angrier and angrier on the tennis court. Rackets were broken. Words were yelled. Walls were punched. 

Now you may be thinking…could one 30 second conversation really cause all that? Well…maybe. 

See, that day I learned a lesson that would shape the rest of my life. 

“If I do well in life, other people will suffer. If I stay out of the limelight then maybe people won’t have to feel pain like I did when DJ’s mum said that about him. Maybe you’re not supposed to the best, because then someone has to be second best…or even the worst.” 

Now this all may sound dramatic. But these small moments in our lives have the power to shape us. 

And I need to be clear about something. I didn’t end up having a bad life. 

I got a little chubby. I wasn’t the tops student in school anymore. And girls weren’t exactly obsessed with the tubby little kid with long hair who looked like an aggressive teenage Rosie O’Donnell. 

But I still did pretty well in school. I was still one of the best athletes. And women ended up liking me once I got rid of the man boobs. 

However there was something going on that I wasn’t aware of…everything that mattered to me was outside of me. Which I’ll explain soon…

Before I do that I need to tell you the final defining moment. This one isn’t so much a moment as it is an expectation. 

When I was three years old I was told I was going to win Wimbledon. The most important tennis tournament on earth. Something no Englishman had done in over 70 years. 

My father was the one who spoke those words. He reinforced them everyday from there on out. I’m pretty sure he even whispered them to me in the womb. 

I never thought anything of it. I thought every child was expected to win something massive. That’s just what life was about.

My dad wasn’t trying to put pressure on me. He just wanted the best for me. He wanted me to do what he couldn’t do. He didn’t start playing tennis till he was 17 so he didn’t have a chance. (My mum and dad are still #1 in the world for their age in mixed doubles. So that added just a wee bit of pressure.) 

My dad wasn’t the psycho parent at tournaments screaming at the referee. (I did enough of that for that whole family.) He never told me he wouldn’t love me if I didn’t win. I knew he’d love me no matter what. 

But the theme was simple. Winning is more important than anything else. 

Yet there was something worse going on underneath. 

I was told that winning was a matter of talent. I was pretty much always most “talented or gifted” kid as far as physical skill went. But as I now know, that’s not everything. In fact, it’s a very small part of the equation once everyone starts practicing.

So I became the “so much potential” kid. Every coach wanted to work with me because I could “be a pro when I got older.” If only I could get that temper under control…or practice more than four hours a week when everyone else was practicing four hours a day. 

But the message was clear from childhood. Talent is the most important thing. 

This teaches you one of the most dangerous lessons of all. If you’re not good at it right away, give up. If you have to practice, then you’re not good enough. 

Most dangerous of all…it binds your identity and self worth to winning. It binds you to your sport.

So when I was losing a tennis match, I wasn’t simply losing a match. I was failing as a human being.

When you understand that you can understand why I chucked rackets over fences and punched myself in the head when I was losing. 

Imagine participating in something every single day that makes you hate yourself. 

Imagine losing a match and repeatedly saying the words “you are worthless” over and over again. Imagine being 13 years old, crying in the backseat while your mother sits in the front saying “I can’t believe you’d behave like that. You’re so embarrassing.” Instead of asking “are you ok?”

At this point you could be thinking I had crazy parents. Sure, all parents are a bit crazy. But they weren’t bad and they weren’t malicious. None of what they did was meant to scar me. It was meant to help me. 

But ultimately, I became obsessed with achievement and control. 

So let’s bring this back full circle. 

How did I deal with being mugged? How did that shape my identity? 

Well, I became obsessed with the Special Forces. At 20, my junior year of college, I almost left early to join the military. I wanted to be a Green Beret. Then join Delta Force. The most elite unit in the U.S. military. (I’m half American and half English so I could join either military.)

Every minute of my life was about becoming the bad ass who could pass Special Forces Selection. 

But five months after I turned twenty-one, I got a DUI. I wasn’t swerving. Wasn’t speeding. I passed the sobriety test and they still made me blow. I was barely over the limit. And the military dreams got pulled out from under me. (Or I unconsciously self-sabotaged because I was afraid of becoming who I was supposed to be. But that’s a longer topic for another time.) Then I got diagnosed with a stomach disease that made it impossible to join. 

The military wasn’t going to take me so I had to pick a new path. 

I always knew one thing. I was either going to work for the government, or for myself. There was no in between. 

Fast forward to 2017. 

I’ve learned how to write words on paper that make millions of people buy things. I’ve become one of the best in the world at what I do. I’ve become more “successful” than most people my age. 

I’ve padded what I call “the piece of paper.” 

It’s this imaginary resume that we have in our minds. It’s this illusion of “success” that we think other people are judging us by. 

It’s the way we imagine people describe us when we’re not in the room. It’s supposed to make us happy. 

If I can just pad this paper then I’ll be “enough.” 

When other people look at me they’ll want to be me. When I look at myself in the mirror I’ll love myself. When women look at me they’ll want to sleep with me. 

It’s this invisible script running 24/7 that we’re rarely aware of.

This “pursuit of more” made me pretty happy…most of the time.

Or at least that’s what I thought. 

But all the love I had for myself was a specific type of love. It was based on the world outside of me. 

That may sound obvious to you. It could’ve even been obvious to me if I wasn’t so busy doing more. Becoming more. Learning more. 

And believe me, I had done a lot of “work.” I’d been to Tony Robbins. I’d gone to all the masterminds. I’d done the workshops and read all the books. I was a learning machine. 

No TV. That’s weakness. No radio, only podcasts. No days off, only manliness. Every second I wasn’t “growing” I thought I was dying. 

I used to define entrepreneurship as guilt. If I wasn’t doing something then I was useless. I was “wasting time.” Whatever that means. 

I had even read The Power of Now and had a glimpse into enlightenment when I was 19. I spent three months in pure bliss, deeply engaged in the present. Then that slowly started fade away as I had to start “growing up.”

Above all, I was “Self-Aware.” 

I said powerful phrases like “When you get comfortable with discomfort, discomfort itself disappears.” “The degree to which you’re willing to be vulnerable is the degree to which you can grow.” “Every day I get better and better.”

I still believe those phrases. But not when you’re measuring you self-worth by them. 

So where did all of this take me? 

Where did I end up with all of this unconsciously driving my life? 

I felt good when I was winning. The scoreboard dictated my self-worth. 

I felt good when I was making a lot of money. Digital commas and zeroes defined me. 

I felt good when I had abs. Anything less than a six pack and I was a fat sack of shit. (Not wanting to be a fat kid can be a powerful motivator when you’re older.)

I felt good when a girl wanted to fuck me. As long as I was desired by a woman then I was ok. And god forbid, if this one aspect of my life was “off” then it didn’t matter how much money I was making, how ripped my abs were, or how much I won. It made everything else meaningless. 

I felt bad when I was standing still. I felt bad when I was “doing nothing.” 

I felt like I was wasting time if I wasn’t reading a book or working. I felt bad if my revenue went down one month. 

If I lost at something as silly as a game of ping pong I’d have to leave the room and listen to myself say things like “You don’t deserve to breathe. You’re pathetic.”

So here’s how my life went:

I won…as much as possible. I won a national championship in college tennis and then became one of the best copywriters in the world at a young age. 

I made money because it was a way of keeping score of how successful I was. How important I was. 

I ate healthy and exercised so I could look in the mirror and like what I saw. (But let’s be honest, no matter how good I looked, I was never quite lean enough or ripped enough. Until I’d look at old photos and say “fuck, I was pretty jacked.” But in the moment it wasn’t enough.)

Most of all, I made sure women always wanted me. I learned what women wanted. I said all the right things. I read books on how to be a god in bed. I calculated texts for “maximum desire.” I even got “so good” that I wrote a book about picking up women I was 19 and taught bootcamps on dating when I was 23. 

If my relationship was lacking in sex, I’d talk to other girls at the bar just so I could feel desired. Even though I knew I wasn’t going to “do” anything with them. 

I was obsessed.

But a man being obsessed with sex and women isn’t a “problem.” It’s rewarded. 

Your friends shout phrases like “You’re a Bad Ass. You’re The Man. Fucking Legend.” 

All the while I got to feel better than them because I knew they were jealous. 

If I had a hot girlfriend or slept with “hot chicks” everyone would love me.

Being desired by women was my ultimate validation system. 

I got good at all the things that made me happy. 

And you have to realize, none of this was conscious. I didn’t decide to be like this. It happened as product of the world around me. It was the result of my past…and how I unconsciously interpreted my past.

Honestly, it seemed like a pretty fool-proof system. 

Without my knowing, I created all of the conditions for love. 

And it WORKED. Until it didn’t…

Which I’ll explain in just a second.

First, you may be wondering…how are things different now? 

Well…

I win because I enjoy it. Not because it defines me. 

I love others not so that I can love myself, but simply because I feel love. 

I make money because it amplifies my life. Not because I need commas and zeroes to feel worthy. 

I can “do nothing” and still feel happy. I can watch TV without guilt. I spend time doing things simply because I enjoy them, not because they’re going to “make me grow” or pad my bank account. 

Above all else…

I love myself for no reason. Simply because I exist. And NOT because a woman loves me. 

That’s all the powerful internal shit. How has my external life changed?

-I've doubled (maybe tripled) my income. 

-I work about 1/4 as much as I used to.

-I'm in the second best shape of my life. (And quickly closing in on the best.)

-I’m in a relationship with someone who loves me for me and I love her for her. 

-I'm the happiest I've ever been. (This is "measurable" in the sense that everyone who hasn't seen me in a year says I just "seem different...in a good way.")

So what made this difference? How did all of this happen? 

It came about in a ridiculously random way. It was the result of asking a girl I barely knew if she wanted to go to Paris for a week. She had never been to Europe before but she was still hesitant. 

I hit her with my killer sales pitch. “I don’t think we’d hate each other and we don’t have to be girlfriend/boyfriend or post any pictures on instagram.” 

She said she’d think about it…and ultimately said yes. 

Part of what intrigued me about her was how much she seemed to not care what other people think. She seemed to like herself. She didn’t seem to need external validation to be ok.

And she was one of the few girls I’d met who actually “worked on herself.” 

During this trip she briefly mentioned this guy named Brent. 

He was a former therapist who had apparently dramatically changed her life. (And her brother’s life.) 

She didn’t say much about him…but the few things she said piqued the hell out of my curiosity. 

“Former therapist.”

“Seems to see things we can’t.” 

“Teaches you how to work with yourself so you don’t have to rely on him.”

I wanted to know more.

The two of us got back from Paris and dated for couple months. Nothing too serious and it just sort of fizzled out. (At the time I was completely unaware of a lot of the behaviors that made that happen.) 

A few months after that, her brother invited Brent to come to town to work with a small group of 2-3 people. I was invited to be one of them. I paid (a hefty sum) and thought it was just gonna be another “thing” I went to. After all, I had been to plenty of workshops and masterminds before. This probably wasn’t going to be all that different.

I was somehow “too busy” to do the hour consult with Brent that he required. I showed up 45 minutes late for the first day. (I don’t think I’ve ever been that late to anything before.) I obviously wasn’t taking it very seriously.

But after the first hour I knew it was something completely different than anything I’d experienced before. 

I learned about the “4 core issues.” I learned about the “ego states” and how to work with them. I started to realize how much of my life was run by my “teenager.” 

I realized why I had been struggling so much lately. 

See, leading up to “Getting Brented” as some of us call it, I was having a hard time getting shit done. 

I was trying to use all my old strategies that had worked before but it wasn’t working and I could NOT figure it out. And honestly it was pissing me off. 

I couldn’t seem to wake up early. I was burnt out and tired all the time. I tried to grind through it but couldn’t. I called myself a pussy. I said “just get out of bed you little bitch.” “Just keep pushing.”

It had all worked before so why wasn’t it working anymore? 

Well, that’s what I discovered. 

Ultimately I found out that there was a black hole of hidden blocks inside me that I couldn’t see. 

Partially because I was me, and we can’t properly see ourselves. And partially because most people, even highly trained “therapists” can’t see them. 

That’s what separated Brent and his work from everything else I’d done. 

We were going deep. 

But it wasn’t that therapist “you’ve got issues cuz of your family” type of shit. Yes, that’s a part of it. 

Yet it goes far deeper. 

See, we all experience obstacles on the path. Most “work” out there just moves you around the obstacles. 

Or if you’re anything like I was, you try to “outthink them.” 

The problem with trying to “figure it out” or moving around obstacles is they are still there. And at some point you’ll come back to them. 

You’ll repeat the same patterns you’ve had for your whole life…they’ll just take different forms or shapes. 

With Brent you actually work through them. You clear the blocks. 

I know that sounds like a bold promise. But once you see it, and feel it, you’ll understand. 

There’s ultimately two things that dictate your level of success. (When I say “success” it doesn’t have to be monetary or career related. YOUR definition of success is all that matters.)

How long are you willing to wait to get what you want? Are you willing to be bad until you’re good? Are you willing to be good until you become a master? Are you ok with failure?

The depth at which this can affect you is far beyond what you can even imagine. 

Self-sabotage can be blatant…like it was in my past. 

It’s partying hard the night before a big tennis match. It’s missing a deadline because you’re afraid of success. Or worst of all…it’s cheating on someone you love because you’re afraid of finally having everything you want. 

When you’re “less aware” the self-sabotage is easier to see from the outside. 

As you raise your awareness the self-sabotage becomes insidious. It’s clever. It’s cunning. 

It’s starting an argument with your girlfriend because you just had the most profitable month of your life. It’s deciding to try a new type of pizza the night before you have to film important videos…even though you have extreme food allergies and know it’ll probably make you feel like shit the next day. (This is how advanced my ego has gotten. It seeks out foods that disrupt my Crohn’s when things are going “too well.”)

See, we have a threshold on how good we think we’re allowed to feel. As we reach that threshold (sometimes referred to as an upper limit) we find ways to bring ourselves back down to baseline. Even though we want to feel good all the time.

Ultimately it comes down one thing...

That’s why the “four core issues matrix” is the only thing I’ve found to create lasting change.

Right now there is a gap between where you are…and where you want to be. 

In that gap can only be four things. It could be all four. It could be three of four. Or it could be just one. 

Typically it’s the “linchpin issue.” That’s the W**** word. 

Once you understand that word and how it’s affecting your life, you can finally break through all your blocks and clear them permanently. 

I know it’s a bold claim. I wouldn’t believe it for a second if I hadn’t personally had it happen to me. 

So if anything I’ve said has resonated with you, if any of my story has parallels to yours, then I want to invite you to come spend three days in Austin, TX with Brent and I. I want you to know what you don’t know. 

I don’t want to give you more information or tactics. I don’t want to bring you into a room so you can “add value” to those around you. 

I want you to show up and work on yourself. And I want you to leave with a real way to work with yourself.

This isn’t a “pump you up and dump you out” motivational seminar. This isn’t about getting fired up so you can go home and not follow through…only to leave you back in your old life as a guiltier version of yourself. 

If there’s only one thing I can promise you…it’s that this experience will be different from anything you’ve done before. 

If you’re ready to commit to three full days of intense work then you can sign up below.

And truly thank you for listening to my story and letting me share. It wasn’t easy…but hopefully it was worth it. And hopefully it was powerful for you whether you come to a workshop or not. 

When I originally wrote this it wasn’t meant to be a “sales pitch.” It was really just something I was writing for myself to get this story out of my head. It was meant to help me process my growth. 

But after writing all of that I think it would be unfair not to offer you the opportunity to experience the level of change that’s happened in my life. Hopefully we’ll meet in person soon.

To your never-ending growth,

Ian “it’s not easy, but it’s worth it” Stanley

P.S. I wrote this when I was 27 years old. I'm now 33. My life has only continued to get better...and I've continued to do the "Brent work" on my own even after we stopped running a business together. 

His "Correction Method" is truly the most powerful thing I've ever used in my life. 

Our workshops used to be $1,500. You had to get flights, a hotel, and spend 3 days with us. It was amazing but it wasn't accessible to everyone. 

Now you can get his course for less than that...without leaving home.